So many thoughts running through my mind. First one is, the time on this blog is wrong and I have yet another thing I have to freakin’ learn. Don’t get me wrong. Typically, I don’t mind learning new things. However, as life goes on, I’m finding it harder and harder to balance everything to accomplish said things as learning something new – while taking care of my responsibilities and working towards my goals/dreams….. while doing so in a body that’s broken. I refuse to give up.
I’ve been struggling with this chronic illness for over 20 years now. I cannot believe I am old enough to even use that number of years in a sentence and NOT being sarcastic. It truly blows my mind that I have endured all those years with this illness on top of the injuries I’ve sustained over the years. You’d think, at least I did, that after seeing countless Doctors and other “Professionals” over this time frame that I WOULD be HEALTHY by now… but no. In fact, it took about 20 years to find ONE person who is actually familiar with my illness to TEST me, let alone begin any type of treatment. Yup, Took me that long to learn there were tests that can and COULD have been done YEARS ago…. that would have HELPED prevent my current “health” status from being as POOR as it is. I COULD have done more in my life…. I could have had a chance to be healthy IF those “Professional Medical People” did their damn jobs OR (at the very least) admitted they were ignorant, ill-educated/trained, limited, or just plain too stupid/lazy to learn HOW to help me or WHO to send me to get the help they were incapable of providing.
Yes, you could say that I am bitter about my life being stolen from me. In addition to the HORRIBLE treatment I’ve endured from said “Professionals” treating me like I was the problem. That I was “faking it”, “Lying”, “Over-exaggerating”, and a slue of other false accusations. In fact, even the lay person joined the frenzy of said false accusations. After all, it’s easier (for these anal-dwelling-butt monkeys) to do that versus show ANY sign of human compassion and understanding. Could you imagine if this type of behavior were socially acceptable towards ailments or diseases known to be horrible and fatal, like Cancer? Hell NO, and rightfully so. Anyone who does so would be labeled as a Schmuck… among other things. Yet, for those of us who have such diseases as Chronic Lyme Disease are NOT given the same courtesy.
There’s a saying, “You don’t get it until you get it.” Now, I have a problem with this because I have always shown compassion and understanding for others. I did NOT need to have the problems they were struggling with to have this. So, I do NOT comprehend why there are SO many people who cannot do what I do. How difficult is it to have compassion, empathy, sympathy, etc. for others WITHOUT having to fully understand what they are going thru? Here’s all I need to know to offer said things. Is the person happy or not? If not, then I feel for them and pray they get what they need to be happy, unless said happiness requires hurting another. Then that individual needs some serious mental help.
Some people demand that you provide them things that they aren’t willing or maybe even unable to provide to others. THAT, hurts my brain…
Ok. My body is telling me to stop. The correct time is 7am (EST). I have to figure out how the !@#%$@#$ to fix my website stuff. Which I will have to figure out when the !@#@$ I will have time to do so. OY! For now, I have to get things set up for our Homeschooling today… Take care of the animals, Do my usual Motherly duties, and then off to my Doctor’s appointment.
My body hurts. My lungs and head burn. I cannot maintain my energy. I am like an old car running on old broken parts and low on fuel. One day at a time. NEVER GIVE UP!